Have you ever thought... should I give up? It is worth it? Can I really accomplish what I've set out to do? Does it matter to anyone else if I succeed or fail? When these doubts start to creep into my consciousness, I struggle to push back at times.
I know that those who succeed are those who don't give up. But I also know that there are those who never give up and are so rigid in their vision and goals, they never succeed and ultimately fail to reach their goal. I've put thought into why. Why do some succeed and some fail. I think it's a balancing act. To succeed, you must not give up, you must continue trying. But every no or failure along the way is simply an opportunity to learn. And that is the key difference between success and failure. LEARNING. GROWING. CHANGING. When necessary.
I've started this published author journey nearly one year ago. The true journey began years ago, as a teenager with grandiose visions of becoming a world-renowned short story, fiction, or sci-fi author. Back then I dabbled in creative writing and fell in love. Life took some turns, different decisions were made, and I lost track of my love for writing. Fast forward to the last two years. I started writing again for myself, and immediately knew I wanted to take a different approach: become a children's book author; have a positive impact on the lives of children and their families; instill courage, hope, love while providing support and encouragement. And yet I wonder at times if I should give up. Who am I reaching? Who am I helping? Have I been successful?
By some measures, I've been extremely successful: I've published three children's books with Inner Peace Press as my publisher, received two children's books awards, all three of my published works were accepted into the Ella's Way organization, my books have been included in donation packages to Global Academy in Spartanburg, SC, libraries and schools in Los Angeles, CA, and an elementary school in AZ. I've attended events at ChildSavers, Toddler's Fair in Petersburg, VA, ChesterFest in Chester, VA, Spring Fling at Trinity UMC, Meet the Author Event at a Chesterfield County Library. I had the honor of reading Tina's Mysterious Case of Dance-itis at the Trinity UMC Talent Show and to children at Westminster Canterbury Child Development Center. I'm working on my fourth book, which will be out in the coming months.
But I've also felt like a failure. Getting rained out and selling only two books at ChesterFest. Losing my connections and events planned for this fall when we moved to Yorktown. An ever growing stockpile of books in my closet and struggling to schedule future events where I can sell my inventory. Questioning if I really am cut out for the marketing and self-promotion side of being an author. Having yet to receive an email, a post, a note, anything from a family or child that says "you made a difference".
And yet... I still go back to my original thoughts. Should I give up? Is it worth it?
Yes, it's worth it. If I can positively impact one child, one kiddo who cries at night missing their beloved dog, who would give anything to get one last moment with their grandpa, who shies away from being their true selves around others. If I can help them grieve, process, and shine again, it's worth it. So I won't give up. I'll learn from the no's, the failures, the unreturned phone calls, the ignored emails, the silent social media responses. I'll try to learn, grow, and change... to be successful.